I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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