are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't deserve a penis
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
