..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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