I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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