The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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