Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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