I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
