ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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