You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
