Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
