he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Four minutes until I can fart!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
