i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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