I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
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The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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