just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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