you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
