I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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