She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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