your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
