Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
