Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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