I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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