i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
