And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
ugly people sure do ruin things
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
