this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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