I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
you never un-have a 4some
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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