Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
