Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
