it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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