a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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