is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
