dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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