I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
