Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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