the condom got lost in my hair
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
