can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
