New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
