I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
