I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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