Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
