absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
