It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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