just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I supernannyed him into submission
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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