After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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