yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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