turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
