And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
