i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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