He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
