Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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