I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
