Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
