You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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