absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
What did we do last night that was yellow?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
