I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
