Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
