i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
