saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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