went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
