"it" just moved
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
