In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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