I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
