from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
