EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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