You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
All I want is dick and wine.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
