That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
