At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
