Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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