apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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