my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
