I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
