You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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