If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
