I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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