I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
