OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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