rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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