did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
