The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
