I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
