Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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