I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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