Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
