I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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